Unlocking Conflict

A year on from our first episode and we're planning season 2! It will feature new guests, new questions and we'd love to hear from you.  

If you've got an idea, a topic, or something you're curious about to do with conflict and difficult conversations, get in touch! (Or anything else you'd like to request). 

Email: unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk

We'd love to hear from you. 

Noise from your neighbours can feel like one of the hardest things to resolve well. We know it’s a bigger issue than normal after months of lockdown, and it can have a huge impact on our wellbeing. But there are small steps you can take to try and improve the situation (or stop it getting worse). This episode covers top questions including :

• What can I do about the noise?
• What’s likely to make the situation worse?
• What if I’ve already fallen out with my neighbour?
• What if I don’t want to raise the issue?
• Where can I go for help if I don’t want to deal with it on my own?

Episode resources:

Message to send to others with this issue:

Hiya,

I’ve just listened to this podcast about handling issues with your neighbours and I thought of your situation. You can listen to it at the link below for tips on things which might help. The organisations on the programme also offer help and support which you might be interested in.

www.crux.org.uk/podcasts

Hope you find it useful!

Organisations that can support you:

Wandsworth Mediation Service: www.wandsworthmediation.org.uk

Peacewell: www.peacewell.org.uk

Crux: www.crux.org.uk

Christmas looks very different this year, and so do the conversations around who to spend it with - and how. If you’re facing tricky decisions because of coronavirus, on top of the usual Christmas tensions, this is the episode for you!

We look at:

• Having the conversation about where to spend Christmas
• How preparing can help you navigate Christmas tensions well
• How to strengthen relationships this Christmas

We'd love to hear from you. You can email unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk with ideas, questions and feedback - or just to say hello. 

Part 2 of our mediation special starts off with the practical question of how you might get a mediator, or suggest to someone that mediation might be a helpful way forward. We look at things to bear in mind while doing that, and finally how mediation techniques can help us counteract polarisation.

Where to find a mediator:

Email us at unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk if you have any questions and we can point you in the right direction.

Family mediation: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/

Civil & commercial mediation: https://civilmediation.org/mediator-search/

Community mediation:

• Drop us an email unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk and we can signpost you to local mediation charities in London
• Or you can search in your local area,
• Or find a mediator on https://civilmediation.org/mediator-search/

If you live in the London boroughs of Wandsworth, Islington or Camden, our community mediation services can help you for free:

Wandsworth: www.wandsworthmediation.co.uk

Camden & Islington: www.crux.org.uk 

Help for individuals 

• The Men's Advice Line offers support for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner, ex-partner or other family members. Call the confidential free helpline on 0808 801 0327, Monday to Friday 9am-5pm.
• Women's aid protects women from domestic violence. Call their 24-hour helpline on 0808 2000 247.
• You can talk to Childline about anything. Call them for free on 0800 1111 or visit their website.
• Relate is an affordable relationship and sex counselling service. 0300 100 1234

In this mediation special, we look at how mediation can help transform seemingly hopeless situations. We hear how from the courts, to the workplace to the street, mediation creates a space where people travel from toxic conflict to relief. And we find out how Stephen, Sharon and Phil discovered mediation themselves.

Where to find a mediator:

Email us at unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk if you have any questions and we can point you in the right direction.

Family mediation: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/

Civil & commercial mediation: https://civilmediation.org/mediator-search/

Community mediation:

• Drop us an email unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk and we can signpost you to local mediation charities in London
• Or you can search in your local area,
• Or find a mediator on https://civilmediation.org/mediator-search/

If you live in the London boroughs of Wandsworth, Islington or Camden, our community mediation services can help you for free:

Wandsworth: www.wandsworthmediation.co.uk

Camden & Islington: www.crux.org.uk 

Help for individuals:

• The Men's Advice Line offers support for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner, ex-partner or other family members. Call the confidential free helpline on 0808 801 0327, Monday to Friday 9am-5pm.
• Women's aid protects women from domestic violence. Call their 24-hour helpline on 0808 2000 247.
• You can talk to Childline about anything. Call them for free on 0800 1111 or visit their website.
• Relate is an affordable relationship and sex counselling service. 0300 100 1234

What can we do when we keep having the same issue or argument with someone? We look at how and why arguments repeat themselves, and how to break the cycle, including:

• Why timing matters
• How powerful changing the conversation is, even when you continue to disagree
• Ways to bring clarity and resolution to deeply rooted issues.

NB: You don’t need to do this on your own - sometimes you need support. Look out for our next episode on mediation and conflict coaching for how other people can help in a conflict situation.

Episode links:

If you’re interested, this article covers The Drama Triangle and how you can break out of it if you find yourself in it:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/remyblumenfeld/2018/12/07/how-to-transform-your-relationships-by-getting-creative/

Continuing our focus on difficult conversations, we ask: what if someone isn’t telling you what’s going on? Maybe you suspect they’re annoyed with you, or maybe you’ve had an argument and everything’s gone silent since….or maybe they’re just not being themselves and you’re not sure why. We look at how to open up conversations when there’s an elephant in the room.

Plus: friendships that drift, the difference between needing space and avoiding conflict and how to create space for honest conversations.

What can we do when a conversation is going really wrong, in the heat of the moment? This week, we look at de-escalating conflict. How can we notice when a conversation is getting out of control, and how can we turn it back around?

Plus: conflict by text/social media, and what happens when someone doesn’t listen.

Episode links:

How I survived workplace bullying: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmRKlZEXVQM

Acas website for advice on workplace rights and grievance procedures: www.acas.org.uk

And the Acas helpline: 0300 123 1100

Mediation:

www.wandsworthmediation.org.uk

www.crux.org.uk

We look at preparing for difficult conversations: why it matters, and techniques for how to do it, so you can have the conversations you want to have, rather than the ones you regret.

Plus: Sharon and Phil share how they psych themselves up for conversations they’d rather avoid, and Fiona reveals how she feels about Stephen’s moth-counting habits.

We’d love to hear from you – if you have any questions or feedback, feel free to email us at unlockingconflict@crux.org.uk.

Further resources and support:

Mediation and Conflict:

www.crux.org.uk

www.peacewell.org.uk

www.wandsworthmediation.co.uk

Counselling/individual therapy:

You can find a full list of free services on the NHS website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

We look at one of the most underestimated skills in life: listening. We all want to be listened to, and we all hate it when we’re not listened to. But it’s easy to talk about and hard to do. We look at just how powerful good listening can be, what happens when we do it badly, and how it can turn situations around.

Brene Brown video on empathy and sympathy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw